How have I been?

Where do I even started? It’s been so long since I done this that I barely remember how to do any of this. Life been passing me by and I just been going through the feels. Ok, I may phase that weird but I just haven’t been feeling myself lately. In the beginning I was excited to start this semester, to be able to work at my current job. By the way, yes I do have a job now, the lord bless me one. Anyways, I was so stoked to continue my education but as the days went by I began losing track of what i was doing. It feels like I lost hope in reality, in my dream. Since i was younger I had these big dreams of what i wanted to do and now it just feel like a childish dream like it not the dream that will help my financial problems, to help me have that “better life.” What do that even mean to have a “better life?”

A couple of months later I am slowly finding my way of what to do in life. All my dreams that I had when I was younger is finally coming back to me and know I see it how I’m supposed to visualized it. In a way GOD was trying to prepare me for that dream, that way I can put it into action of what I want.In truth, I think I finally receive my purpose of what I suppose to be doing. Among finding my purpose I been feeling really depressed lately. For those of you that is lucky enough to not know what depression feel like, let me help you. Imagine yourself waking this morning not wanting to get out of bed, struggling to do all of your daily activities and not wanting to maintain your good hygiene. You feel alone all the time like no one understand what you going through, which is the biggest lie the devil will tell you. I had felt unwanted like what am I even doing here. It became worst when my grades started to drop extremely low. My mind was so set that I was going to fail all my classes and it be better for me if I go ahead and drop out of college. However, I made it this far to my third year why would I leave now. I wanted my best to try and make up for all of my classes. I am the type of person where time gets to me so much, it’s like I don’t have much time left. I truly wanted to improve my grades but I feel like it’s been this far and I’m not going to have time to be able to have my grades. When in all honestly that was the devil talking to me, tempting me to not being able to better myself.

So here I am now writing this post helping to inspire someone whom is going through something similar that I went through that you are not alone. I was not alone, sometimes it take you to find courage and ask for help. My biggest problem that I’m facing is asking for help because I feel like I’m dragging people into my problems and they have other things better to do, why focus on me but sometimes you just have to scream, talk and cry it out. Let everything come out your system because not only do it feels and is good for you but also you can find solutions when you talk it out either the person giving you the advice or GOD helping you to come to the answer. I am saying all of this so I can remember that I am stronger enough to combat from what I’m feeling and I just need to ask for help and remember that I am not alone. We are not alone.

Don’t forget you are beautiful just the way you are!

ByeShanti

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