By myself

Alone in a new school, no big deal you will meet tons of friends. That what they all say. Why do they make it sounds so easy where you meet more people? Especially if you shy or socially awkward. You can’t just go up to somebody and start a conversation. If you anything like me, you probably would be thinking “Is he/she mean?, what do I say, will they like me, what should I do, how should I go over there, what if they ignore me” and much more. It is not that easy! 

In high school in my junior and senior year, I spent most of my time eating lunch in the bathroom. This was the time where my only BFF had moved away and I was left alone. Yes, I had those people that I say hi to but that’s it. I didn’t have no one that I was able to hang out with. Just like any other teenager I was ready to graduate, to finally be out of there. I pictured myself going to college to be away from everything old in my life, I wanted a fresh start (check out my other blog, same name too). Was that too hard to ask for? I finally got into a college, I thought I was going to make so much friends and show everyone who I am. Before in high school I was too afraid to show who I really was. This new college experience I did things that I never ever thought about just to impressed people, to hang out and go wild but turns out that didn’t make them my friends. Instead it made me broke and confused of my identity. I didn’t know who I was, I was searching it behind other people. 

Now that I’m at this new school, I still feel the same way. I feel like whatever I do, I just can’t have nothing good in my life. It’s like the universe plotting against me. I love the school environment but I’m not meeting any friends. What is wrong with me? Like I said that I’m broke from hanging out with the wrong people. Now I’m trying to get my life situated by taking my education serious, meeting genuine friends, and put more money back into my account and not spend. Everything is hopeless like I don’t have a job but I need to buy books for school and my financial aid not doing anything. Plus I’m commuting until I get a dorm but they want me to get the hold off and now I got a loan but the hold not coming off. Everything being so difficult. I’m hating my life every second. What a girl to do, right?

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