By myself

Alone in a new school, no big deal you will meet tons of friends. That what they all say. Why do they make it sounds so easy where you meet more people? Especially if you shy or socially awkward. You can’t just go up to somebody and start a conversation. If you anything like me, you probably would be thinking “Is he/she mean?, what do I say, will they like me, what should I do, how should I go over there, what if they ignore me” and much more. It is not that easy! 

In high school in my junior and senior year, I spent most of my time eating lunch in the bathroom. This was the time where my only BFF had moved away and I was left alone. Yes, I had those people that I say hi to but that’s it. I didn’t have no one that I was able to hang out with. Just like any other teenager I was ready to graduate, to finally be out of there. I pictured myself going to college to be away from everything old in my life, I wanted a fresh start (check out my other blog, same name too). Was that too hard to ask for? I finally got into a college, I thought I was going to make so much friends and show everyone who I am. Before in high school I was too afraid to show who I really was. This new college experience I did things that I never ever thought about just to impressed people, to hang out and go wild but turns out that didn’t make them my friends. Instead it made me broke and confused of my identity. I didn’t know who I was, I was searching it behind other people. 

Now that I’m at this new school, I still feel the same way. I feel like whatever I do, I just can’t have nothing good in my life. It’s like the universe plotting against me. I love the school environment but I’m not meeting any friends. What is wrong with me? Like I said that I’m broke from hanging out with the wrong people. Now I’m trying to get my life situated by taking my education serious, meeting genuine friends, and put more money back into my account and not spend. Everything is hopeless like I don’t have a job but I need to buy books for school and my financial aid not doing anything. Plus I’m commuting until I get a dorm but they want me to get the hold off and now I got a loan but the hold not coming off. Everything being so difficult. I’m hating my life every second. What a girl to do, right?


New Life

Everything is so annoying. I’m hating everything. Why is god doing this to me? I heard that he do things to build you stronger but it feel like all he ever doing is just destroying me. Tearing me down into pieces and not showing me the light of day. I thought it was suppose to be holy and peaceful, where the followers are peaceful and suppose to help you but all they do is just hate and be jealous. They say you suppose to take the bad out your life but all the bad that I have comes from believing in this so called GOD. How do I know that he even real? This could be something that humans came up with to make you believe in something that science cannot explain and so they can be able to control every thing that you do. I’m so sick of tired of it all, I wanna put my life back in my own hands, NOONE else. Ima do whatever that I have to do to finish school so I can get out of here. I don’t care what I have to do but I’m going to make it out of here. I hate this life. This dumb, boring, stupid life. I don’t care for this. I want a new life.

Fresh start

School starting and I’m so happy to be able to have something to do in the week. You know that feeling where all summer was a bore with nothing to do and then school comes along and at least you have something to do. Yea, I feel you too. Especially when you getting fresh start at another school. You have so many mixed feelings when going to a new school. There are butterflies in your stomach, over thinking every action and words. It be three days since I been here and already I love it way better than at my last school. The only down side is that I literally have no friends here. It’s already enough when you are socially awkward and then I commute to school, which makes it a million times worse. Sometimes, I regret even going to my last university only because it was the worst college experience but here at this new school I feel like I would have a better chance. 

There is always a lesson that can be learn in any situation, place, or even person. Atleast, what I always like to say. Even though I do regret going to my old college, there was some good that came out of it. One, I met some really cool people that I could call a friend. Two, I learn what I really want from my college education. Before I entered college I thought it was this thing where you can be free from parents and you can meet new people and have tons of friends. I realized at my old school that having tons of friends doesn’t actually make them your friends. Also, it make you have to much drama than what you really need. Having that one amazing friend is the most valuable thing you can ever ask for. I rather have that one loyal person in my life than millions of other people who will just talked about me behind my back. There were mistakes that I had done that I’m not proud of but honestly it help become an better person. So I don’t regret the decisions that I make. When you make an mistake its OK to be down for awhile but give yourself a break. You are humans, we all make mistakes. Some are worse than others but the most important thing is that you learned from it. Life is all about experiences, the good and the bad, give yourself a break!